he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
