you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im holly from the hills drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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