Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize