So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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