I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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