it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
