i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
