Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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