you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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