There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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