Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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