After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
