party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
