Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
