Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
