She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
