I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize