Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
