Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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