I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
