Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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