youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
