mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
