I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
