Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
