I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
