the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
