Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
