She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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