just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
