She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
