Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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