so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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