I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
