I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
