Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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