My pussy is not your playground.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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