somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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