Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
