spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
