Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
