So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
