roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize