my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
