Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
