Screwed.edu
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
