I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
