i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nutella sex= disaster
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
