Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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