There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize