God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
