You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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