Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
