and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
