It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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