you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
