PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
