We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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