so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
