what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
