So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I will be naked everywhere
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
