And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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