So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
