Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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