Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
