Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
