the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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