On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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