I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
