dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
