I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
