FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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