TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
whose parrot is this?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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