Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
