I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
