Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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