Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
